1. Key points

  • Criticism attacks the person; a complaint addresses a behavior.
  • Contempt (mockery, eye-rolling) is a strong predictor of breakup.
  • Antidotes: gentle start-up, appreciation, taking responsibility and self-soothing breaks.
  • Taking a 20-minute break when flooded can help.

2. Using 'I' statements

'I feel ___ when ___, and I need ___' keeps the focus on the issue.