How do I stop fighting with my partner?

Concerns & risks

You were trying to have a calm talk about dinner plans, but it turned into another huge fight, like almost every conversation lately.

Constant fights wear you down.

Causes & evidence

Gentle start-ups and breaks help. See conflict communication.

What to do

1. Start with 'I feel...' instead of blame.
2. Take a break if overwhelmed.
3. Listen and repeat back what you heard.

Common mistakes: Common mistakes: trying to 'win' the argument, bringing up old fights, or using words like 'always' and 'never.' Focus on one issue at a time. Start softly with how you feel and what you need, instead of blame. Take turns speaking and summarize what you heard before replying. If you feel flooded with anger, agree to pause for 20 minutes or more and come back. Notice patterns: are you hungry, tired, or stressed when fights happen? Choose better times for big talks. If fights keep repeating, a couples counselor can help you learn new patterns.

Speed Man tip: Couples counseling can help.

Wrap-up: Gentle start. Breaks. Listen.